i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
