i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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