we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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