So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
