goodnight i made you a song goodbye
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
