yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
