Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
