You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Randomize
