Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
