My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
