I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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