Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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