well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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