My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
you didnt know i had herpes?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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