it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
