Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
