Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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