no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
