Christians are straight up FREAKS
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
