Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
