Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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