I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
