Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
