Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
