Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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