Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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