You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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