just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
