i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
