A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
