i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
