She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
