a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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