just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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