i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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