So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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