I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
