who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
