so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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