the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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