winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
