I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
