We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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