the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
