I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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