i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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