I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
