I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
