After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
