Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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