he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
