I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
