Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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