My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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