I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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