Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
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Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
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I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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