Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
