I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
