Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
