even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
