spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
