he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
