I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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