I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
