WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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