you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
