I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
