the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
tell me about the eggs
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
