haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
