FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
