why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Randomize
