Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
