Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
