OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
