Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
